14.

IM SICK.
of everything, except you.
took the best bike ride ever.
in the rain at 4am.
im not full, rumblerumble.
OOOPS, I DID IT AGAIN.
i don't like you, boys are dumb.
i like you though.
call me that, again, stop.
you are perfect, please rescue me.
i'm here, you're there.
where is there, just stop hiding.
i won't say a word, you promised.
lies are in your mouth, on your tongue.
i rip it out, bleed to death.
start new, look up, brand new.
i'm only here to make you nervous.
you're not here, you are there.




drop dead
666

15.

no feeling, i have none at this point.
i'm boiling over, i'm burnt out.
i hate what is happening.
i need to get away, come save me.
one last time.
i am gone, i am not coming back.
you wish i was kidding.
i wish i could leave.
i cant keep my eyes open.
everything is gone.
""where am i, can you help me.
can you help yourself.
i want you to leave now.
come back when i need you.
why did you go. ""
you've mastered destruction.
you are the end.
I AM YOUR BEGGING
i want things to change, unfortunate.
throw me into the sea.



eyesclosed
666

16.

FUCK

i love my spotted cow felix.
he makes me happy.
not really, i suck at this.
i feel one thing right now.
why?
chicken sandwich.
i can't spell right now,
spell check!
THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.
GO AWAY.



downstairs
666

17.

HATE; HATE; HATE.
DON'T LIKE ANYONE.
YOU I LIKE, YOU ALONE.
MAYBE ADD A FEW.
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW, WOULD YOU.
YOU'RE WIDE EYED AND ALONE.
ARE YOU? OR ARE YOU NOT.
CAN YOU SEE ME WHEN YOU CLOSE MY EYES.
TRICK, YOU CAN'T CLOSE MY EYES.
I CAN'T SEE YOU. YOU ARE EVERYWHERE.
FALLING OFF AND DOWN, UP SIDE, FLIP.
CORRECT ME IF IM RIGHT.
I AM YOU.



FELIX THE RAT
666

18

getting my mind:
blowed, blown, blew.
past tense; future.
make up some crazy words.
tell a few lies.
live you're lies to the fullest.
you're life is over, you have nothing.
you made it up, i ended you.
if i could i would, you know who you are.
or do you? want a hint.
you are your self.
you are pathetic.
congratulations.

i have begun.
i listen then write.
you speak with words.
i use syllables, i don't make sense.
you wish you understood.
i wish this would go away.
the throbbing ache in my head.
pop more pills.
lets say vitamins.
that's what they are, but they aren't.
calm down, take a deep breathe.
this will be over shortly.
i only want to hurt you.
you never cared if i did, why didn't you.
you felt nothing, i wish i could feel.
blacking out the fiction.
dizziness; trauma.


gone
666

19

QUICKLY; you're fucked.
you are fucked.
i have not changed : i haven't changed.
change isn't present with me.
no thanks.
i collect coins. in a jar. with flowers.
i get judged, i judge; who. fucking. cares.
i am not the same i am a martian.
music is pretty cool. who cares, fucking.
i hate length, college is long : college is long.
you wish, i did, not now. house is on television.
you know, you know, please tell me.
i am insecure, i seek, ha, useless word.
comma, comma, splice, comma.
what do i want to be when i grow up?
tell me, you have 5 minutes.
useless, unless answered, useless.
you are.
do you get angry with me.
can i help you, sway your vote, keep you away.
i don't care enough to care.
no. no. no.
STOP IT!
give me feeling, fuck facial expressions.
you can't trust anyone, can you, can i?
when i want something i get it, stop giving it to me.
if i was a male you would praise me, no sexism, false.
you wish i had a conscience, i wish you had a conscience.
wishes don't come true, floating away.

map quest my house, my thoughts are as followed.
the best part about this weekend while in Richmond was:
1. Seeing strangers, and complete strangers.
2. Crushing on my crush, crushed my self.
3. If i had a checklist i completed one thing.
4. Not caring what happens. not caring, not shit.
BEST PART; riding ambers bike in the snow to 711.
felt so damn good. my body was at ease with my elusive mind.
cut the rope, im free. you're not, caught, dangling, useless.

what do you want to be when you grow up?
did i help you, i think i told you the answer.
with my second statement or third, may be four th.
faggot.
i like double letters, i am cringing.
stop, save, now, i need, you, it, now.


faulty
666

20

fuck the world with protection.
i hate everyone and every fucking thing.
Control yourself; Take only what you need from him.

damn it. don't understand.
why can't i get it right.
i like the feeling of not feeling.
my mind is a mess, i don't need it.
i don't care about anyone.
not sure why.
really don't give a shit.
if i like you i won't kiss you. ill be to scared.
i will be tense and uncomfortable.
ill be on my toes, trying not to do anything wrong.
i hate nice guys, die please. creepy ass.
i dislike many things, especially happy.
is that why i can't be.
not true; i am happy with my friends.
not true.
EURT.
i'm not in the mood right now.
i get bored easily, i want to stop.
love watching house, it is amazing.
i want to embrace death, i want to live it.
experience it once.
i love the snow, and cold. water; liquid.
down stairs; lab coats; throbbing; tears.
purple, purple, purple, everywhere.
YOU DID THIS.
i wanted you to, can i have you.
trick me into loving you, promise?
i'm not where i want to be.
cold feet, no socks. 5 pairs.
LIARS, you are one, a liar?
yes; fucking pig, not really; you.
i don't feel like answering my phone or talking.
leave me alone. go away. stop caring.
just for this week i want to be alone.
i lied to myself, im worthless.
what have i done, why did i do it. i didn't even like it.
bloody faces, purple faces, hands held.
rip it out, crush it. floor is clean.
long list, im over this.
next week it will be old news.
one week to hide.


i fail
666

10.

take a deep breath, now breathe out.
dedicate these next few seconds to me.
focus all of your energy on my words.
forget the events that have happened today.
clear your mind, clear your thoughts.
if you haven't done yoga i suggest you try it.
it soothes the soul, if you have one?

i like being called weird.
i like when people try and bring me down.
all day i put others down, no-one has the balls to do it back.
i like fast pace, red leaves, and purple lips.
recently; more than ever.
i enjoy mood changes, staying one way for to long is boring.
you have to change it up a bit.
i want to fly away.

late night t.v specials; here i come
666

9.5

FUCK YOUR LIFE.
exploding heads.
666

9.

wet hair, dry body, warm.
again in this state of being.
i need to get dressed and ready to eat.
then for work.
i just dont want to do this anymore.
i hate being here, memories fucking suck dick.
U
hate, filled, smoke.
i'm clouded.
i can't see.
flip switch.
i want to stay in this dark room forever.
i have a fear of rejection, doubtful, i could care less.
i have a fear i wont be noticed :truee: i care what you think.
i'm over you, whomp.
south park, LOL
hate that word phrase? no what's it called!
ugh, whatever.
fat ass, chocolate smeared face, that's me.
RIGHT NOW!
i love it, so do you.


sleep well
666

8.

i just want to escape.
i really don't want to think about you.
or you, or you.
i like my close friends.
i hate everyone else.
people are the same everywhere.
i need change, and i can't get it from here.
let me free, set me loose.
walking, walking, running.
that's how i feel everyday.
people are stupid.
i hate being alone, scratch that.
I love being alone.
at times.
typing: keyboard: chocolate milk.
that's me at this point in time.
late night hang outs haven't happened in a while


depressing
666

7.

just signed up for next semesters classes.
stoked. extremely.
starting to budget
hopefully moving out next summer.
chyeah.
im never eating anymore.
i got to change that.
never not changing.
i kind of miss that
im confused.


short, sweet, gone.
666

6.

shower time.
(i didn't take these pictures)
666

5.

i went outside and took pictures with my brothers camera.
i wish i had my own, this sucks.
i actually went out to take pictures of my kitty kat.
i got a tad bit distracted with the scenery of my back yard.
just saw zach and mira make a porno.
it was 'lol' funny. which is very funny in jasminism.
thinking about this old song, that i always think about.
Halifax - its late and i'm up..
wore my amazing socks, monnica got me, today, awe yeah
secret lovers, that's what we are.
i don't like people knowing about my personal life.
thats just how me, and you, and everyone we know feels.
tonight i had fun, for the first time in a while with someone.
very strange.

sweet dreams
666

4.

I'm at work, it sucks.
not really, here we go again with the lies.
some "cool" people are here. and the regulars.
working at a coffee shop isn't too bad.
i feel at home?
lets not go there, bud!
my septum piercing smells terrible right now.
i gauged it a while back hence the smell.
im waiting for my burrito to come.
i just feel like typing right now.
im sitting here on this stool with my skin peeling off;
due to my new tattoo.
i hate being asked what it means.
i dont understand why tattoos have to have meanings
for them to be important!
the postal service is playing :)
cranberry pom juice is blowing my mind.
rumors have been squashed.
lets confront them right away next time, okay!
hate is unecessary, my life will change.
doubtful, since no one changes unless they truly want to.
And people don't change.
mustache. beard. legs.
the artsist we have at bean there is interesting.
kind of spooky!


burrito time
666

3.

my cats crying outside of my door.
i'm a cold heartless bitch and i wont let her in to pet her.
i am very tired of being nice to people.
i just want to smash everyone's head into a table.
not everyone, oops, i lied.
past two days been getting home too late.
sleeping in too much.
working this whole weekend sucks.
i don't feel like typing anything.
i have to pee, and its so dark in my room.
listening to lil wayne, haven't done this is a while.
i prefer biggie over wayne.
i want to go to a giant dance party.
glitter, sparkle, pop.
separation of thoughts, lies.
i lie more than you.
i am not quite sure why i am in a competition with myself!
crazy girl.
i guess i'll take a shower and clean this grotesque house.
maybe eat some treats ?


hello world
666

2.

I'm naked. Writing this blog.
I feel like my body is warmed enough for me to think positive.
Senses fail, i miss them, i miss the past.
I have a bright future? how would you know.
"you know, that you are worthless and I am better than the games, that you play princess, we played and always win."

fantastic. wonderful. inhalation.
i pick my nose when no ones around.
i smell my gauges, they smell good.
i talk to myself to pass the time.
i look at my body in the mirror, and it's perfect.
i pretend i'm with you.
i tell secrets, i talk about you.
all of you, even you.
i walk around my house in heels.
i wear vans with no socks.
my moms my hero.
i don't want a relationship.
i enjoy sexual conversations.
i'm celibate.
i drink too much, i smoke not enoguh.
i word things differently.
i see the world through my eyes, not yours.
I hate people who think they know everything.
i pretend to be ditzy.
i pretend to like you.
i have a taco bell cup in my room, 4 days and counting.
i like bones.
my grandmothers here.

hello world.
666