-5

I can't decide if breaking down is a good thing.
I don't know if my body crashing is bad.
I can't tell if i am happy or pretending.
I should have never drove in the rain for you.
I'm home now, if you care.
I made it safely back home.
After i snuck out of your house in the pouring rain.
I am home. I am safe.
I won't see you again for the rest of my life.
My eyes are closed now.
Listening is making me nervous.
So i don't know how long this will last.
I just can't figure out why i want something i don't want.
And when i get that something, i throw it away.
As quickly as i can, mind you.
- Are you happy?
- Is this what you wanted?
Words are just words.
They express you and me.
But not us, never us.
I hold the worst grudges.
I hate you.
Maybe not, I want one thought.
Just one, I can't do this.
I'm drowning in my own head.







xoxo

-4

i wanted to leap over the puddle.
instead i fell into the puddle.
and now i am soaking wet.
but i don't mind it.
i'm glad i got to explore the murky, dingy water.
i got to see how shallow and grimy the puddle still was.
puddles are all the same, well that's not true.
i have found some pretty decent puddles.
they were small, deep, and crystal blue.
i miss those puddles.
last night opened my eyes.
i don't think i will ever go back.
tonight i'm going puddle hoping again.
maybe this time i won't fall into that same puddle.






xoxo

+3

I'm taking a break from it all.
i am going to focus on my top priorities.
which do not include you.
i guess i have to learn to let go.
it's hard to forget those close to me.
but i need to get rid of any negative influences.
there are other means of fun besides,
well the obvious.
i am growing weary of this town.
and having to deal with the same thing each day.
i know change comes from within.
and i am going to gradually change me.
for once im going to let you do what you want.
i will not try and change you.
i will let you sink or swim.
i hope everything works out, i only want the best for you.
but it's time to cut the strings.
they have been tangled and strangling me.
i need out of this web of depression.
and in time i will be out.
<3






xoxo

+2

My name is change.
I happen now.




xoxo

-3

and all i can think about.
is how i fucked everything up.
i ruined everything, i always do.
i'm giving myself time to heal.
i'm giving myself a break from caring.
the past few days, i haven't felt like myself.
i just want everything back.
give me my life back.
i would do anything to forget.
i will do anything to forget.
i hope my body is ready for this.
this is not a suicide note.
this is me falling to pieces.




xoxo

this ones off the record.

i love you.
i love you with all my heart.
i love you with all my mind body and soul.
i love you with every ounce of energy in my body.
i love you.
i'm sorry i love you.
i'm sorry i can't let this go.
i'm sorry i'm so pathetic.
i'm sorry.

+1

when am i going to help myself.
when will i put myself first.
life isn't a competition on who suffered more.
everyone has a different pain.
a different burden they are dealing with.
sometimes i think it would be easier if i wasn't here.
but then i think about the lives i could change.
the lives i want to change.
that's what really keeps me going.
i cant help but breakdown when i think of my past.
i don't want my past pain to be forgotten though.
i want it to help someone else.
i want it to encourage someone to change for the better.
i honestly can't see myself in 10years.
what i know i want to do is to change lives.
and while i am here on this earth i will make sure that happens.
i hope that i have already impacted a few people.
if not, maybe i should pick a new career.




xoxo

-2

i am completely insane.
i need my mind to melt into mush.
puddles of nothingness.
i am the creator of this nightmare.
i mold everything into nothing.
i ruin and create, i create and ruin.
i just want you to break so i can fix you.
i like the feeling of destruction.
it's easier, you know it is.
i just wish i could vanish into these dreams.
i mean nightmares, dreams aren't real.
maybe i can create one of these now.
and maybe you can help?





xoxo

-1.

Black and bruised.
i feel unwanted.
and i am sick of it.
i will wipe away the residue.
i will start over.
''change is hard I should know.''
it kind-of sucks that i'm done with all of you.
but it really doesn't.
it's not like you are going to notice.
but i am.
i threw you out and up.
down and out.
i hope you choke.
i hope all of you choke.
im bitter. its wet outside.
i am cold.
inside and out.
pray you never feel this way.





- jmt

104.

Have you ever thought about your actions.
Everyday you walk, one foot after the other.
Everyday you breathe, one breath in one out.
It starts the same everyday.
You open your eyes.
It never goes as followed.
You are always sick.
You blame others and yourself.
You think you're so self righteous.
Throw up, you are now sick.
See your day has changed.
Your week is starting to end.
Lay in your bed and try not to breathe.
Hopefully you can get out.
Before you realize what you did.
I won't forgive you.
I won't allow myself to.
Maybe when your head is in the toilet, you'll drown.
You can finally see what your life is.
Starved is a feeling i won't rid myself of.
You are just starved for attention.
Lets play sick, everyone will care.
I just threw up my lunch.
Look our paths have crossed.
We are now both throwing up.
We are now both drowning.
We are now stuck with this sickness.
But you are ruined.
The damages have been done.
You are my collateral.




xxx

103.

i hate that i can never fill up.
i want to refuel. i want to burn up.
i'll never know why but the answer is gone.
so i just want to say;
''i can't sleep while you breathe.
i can't think while i breathe.''
i guess the color blue is a good fit for you.

melt in my hands but don't drag me in this.
you're on your own.